Lately, I’ve begun to feel like how I’ve always been: that this familiar old soulness of mine is catching up to my actual age.
So, although it’s far from my real birthday in January, this summer is feeling like a rebirthday of sorts… my soul growing and expanding comfortably into my skin as I learn to accept myself fully for all I am and all I need.
With this new development has come some strange and beautiful experiences.
The other night, I had this feeling of being totally in limbo, out in the middle of a river just floating down without a clear driving purpose, outcome, or goal.
And though I’ve been feeling much happier lately, I’m having some trouble with this letting go, not having to have a sure direction, and knowing if this is “good or bad.”
Should I be worried I’m not as motivated and ambitious as I have been all these years?
While it feels uncomfortable and so unlike me, the letting go and easing up feels so good.
Instead of being deadline-driven, I’ve been doing what I enjoy and need in the present moment. Whether it’s sleeping in, going for a bike ride, working on music for a bit, writing my novel when I feel the inspiration, taking a dip in the pool, or spending a lazy Saturday afternoon sitting on the patio with a friend.
Everything has been flexible and more motivated by my heart’s desire in the moment more than anything else. Not every minute is filled with activity and “purpose.” The purpose often is just to be, and to listen.
What does my heart need most?
What’s going to satisfy my deepest need for the day, the hour, the moment?
I still have plenty of dreams and visions, but no hard-and-fast outcomes in mind, except to complete the work at hand at a natural pace, and in due time.
What’s most important is creating and experiencing happiness, joy, beauty and peace every day. These are my goals this summer and beyond.
This is a new way of living for me.
Photo by Marina Cohen
